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Truth: the true or actual state of a matter. Some of my friends still don't believe that it is the truth. Maybe my heart is too trustworthy, maybe I believe too much, maybe I look for the good in people no matter what the evil they have done... if that is it, and it is all still a lie, so be it. My life has been more than enough of a lie, as am I, up until now, so I see no reason why it shouldn't continue. A lot of you already know that something happened to my, now ex-girlfriend, a little less than a month ago. Today I finally found out what it really was... so the extent that I could. She had committed suicide, in a manner that no one really knows about. That part doesn't matter to me, but, I now know a lot more than I did no more than an hour ago. Some people, most in fact I'm sure, will continue to feel that this is all a lie, just something that will make me feel horrible, and break my heart in as many places possible. And maybe it is. But, I have a feeling... a feeling that it isn't. This is the truth. It's amazing to think that she's really gone. I mean... GONE gone. Right now, I can tell you that I wish I could join her, I wish I were with her, right now. I've never been one to care about my life, and neither should most other people. Yes, I am still in a state of shock, even knowing the truth. I had accepted the closure that I had been given before, but this was another step into finding what really happened. I will never love another girl. I can't. I made a promise to her, and myself, and I just can't break a promise, under penalty of death. I've lost all feeling in my body right now, and continuing behind this veil of happiness is something that I wish I didn't have to do. But, society dictates it, and thus it must be done. I understand now why people are depressed. People around them will tell them to cheer up, there are great things in life, and all of this, but, no matter what they say, if someone feels depressed, then they are, and that's just the way it's going to be. I've written a lot today, I know. Happiness is but a temporary feeling, while sadness is forever. That may be a morbid way to look at life, but, it's true. Right now, I don't want life. Living is hard, but dying is easy.
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